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Female friends versus Male friends

by nan29 @ Thursday, Jun. 22, 2006 - 19:57:13

I feel more at ease to make friend with female rather than male. I believe it is because of my upbrining, especially during my childhood.
In elementary school, I went to Islamic school where boys studied in one classroom while girls studied in another room. Girls had to wear veil and long dress to cover their bodies. They were not allowed to enter the boys' room, and on the other way around. Our teachers told us strictly that it was HARAM to be close to the opposite sex, moreover to touch them, and more than that. FYI, HARAM means if people do it, they will get punishment from God, while they will get reward from God if the don't do it.
As far as I remember, my teachers taught us that God does not only have merciful and loving character, but also cruel coz of the existence of hell. And my teachers imposed the punishment more than the reward we would get from God, I suppose, so we were frightened to do those things considered HARAM.
The strict rule--and the threat of the extremely hot fire in hell--really mde me feel uncomfortable to make friend closely with boys. As a result, I only made friends with girls. I had a chat with boys too, of course, but I didn't dare to do more than that, moreover to have a close relationship with boys.
It continued until I was in Junior High School. At that time, I had some close friends who were all girls. I really didn't feel secure to make good friends with boys.
In Senior High School, I experienced a bit different thing. I majored in 'Bahasa' (Language) in which there were only two boys and two girls in one class. I was close to both of those boys, confided in them too about some personal problems of mine.
In my bachelor degree, again I didn't make good friend with boys.
I didn't have many boyfriends either before marrying my only daughter's father. I believe that it was really caused by the strict rule I got when I was in elementary school. Besides the "myth" saying that a girl who has many boyfriends is not a good girl. And it really hanuts many girls' mind. (They are really afraid to be considered by society that they are bad girls only coz of having many boyfriends.)
In my master's degree, there were 13 students in my major, 2 men, and 11 women. And, again, I only made good friends with the girls.
Indeed, until now, I still cannot make good friend with guys. :D


 
 

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ScotsmanmattScotsmanmatt [Member]
06/22/06 @ 20:03

Well, hello... I think we should all work with you to break that regrettable situation :) I'm Matt and I'm male. Pleasure to make your acquaintance and good riddance to damaging myths!

nan29nan29 [Member]
http://afemaleguest.blog.co.uk
06/22/06 @ 20:09

Hello Matt :D thanks for dropping by and writing this comment.
Yeah, you are right, I really want to leave behind that myth. I suppose I really have to struggle hard. :D

deleted user [Visitor]

06/22/06 @ 20:47

I don't know if this is a cultural thing Nan but here many women who become managers or similar often prefer managing men and having men friends as they find other women rather catty and jealous.
I've always found you very easy to talk to and I am male.
Men and women can be just friends (perhaps easier at my age) but it has to be clear that that is all it is.

nan29nan29 [Member]
http://afemaleguest.blog.co.uk
06/23/06 @ 10:00

Morning Phil :D
Perhaps it is related to culture, perhaps not, I am not quite sure. I have some female friends who prefer making friend with male too.
I agree with you that I like chatting with you here, discussing some topics too :D

deleted user [Visitor]

06/23/06 @ 12:19

Thanks Nan, just waking up. You'll get used to us in the end. We are not so really different - men just have socks!

nan29nan29 [Member]
http://afemaleguest.blog.co.uk
06/23/06 @ 12:29

Men have socks? :DD :DD what do women have? :))
Have got ur coffee? What time do u usually drink ur coffee? :D

deleted user [Visitor]

06/23/06 @ 12:33

There are many jokes here about men and their smelly socks and how they leave them anywhere and everywhere. Women, as a rule, are much neater and I don't know any women here who wear socks.
Just had my coffee, 6:30am here. I had a local meeting in a nearby school about local health services so was tired last night. There was quite a bit of shouting and tension in the meeting as the local people were angry with our health service over monetary cuts.

nan29nan29 [Member]
http://afemaleguest.blog.co.uk
06/23/06 @ 12:46

:DD :DD I am wearing socks everyday Phil, together with my sneakers or boots :D
My daughter and I are similar in putting socks everywhere we want after going back from somewhere, not really follow the "rule" :)) :))
hmmm ... in such meetings, I suppose it is common to find some people shout? it happens here too

deleted user [Visitor]

06/23/06 @ 12:53

Oh dear. I'll say no more about socks. Women don't generally wear them here (now you'll get loads of comments contradicting me!). Amazing how subtle cultural differences can be across the world.

nan29nan29 [Member]
http://afemaleguest.blog.co.uk
06/23/06 @ 13:13

:DD but, Phil, in my workplace, it is not common either for women to wear socks, and you know I love to look different :DD and not to follow the norm :DD (e.g. that women are to wear high-heeled shoes to go to the office, bla bla bla ...)

deleted user [Visitor]

06/23/06 @ 13:18

This is where I tread carefully (pun). Women here, on the whole, dress smart casual to work. Very few would wear high heels but they do wear trousers now (not allowed when I first started work). I'm sure you look lovely in socks and we all need a bit of personal identity.

nan29nan29 [Member]
http://afemaleguest.blog.co.uk
06/23/06 @ 15:19

Well, what I know is that I look different, Phil, never think whether I look lovely or not. LOL. But, once a friend said to me, "I know why you wear socks, it is coz you don't want your feet to be darker." (remember, it is related to the "myth" in Indonesia that fair complexion is prettier than the dark one. LOL.)

deleted user [Visitor]

06/23/06 @ 15:34

I just asked Louise about this. She says a lot of the younger girls wear socks with their trainers but older women (she is 55) tend to wear short stockings, that only go to below the knee. I can't really imagine you wear socks for that reason. Do you wear what I call funny socks, with jokes on them ?

nan29nan29 [Member]
http://afemaleguest.blog.co.uk
06/23/06 @ 15:59

Wow, it is wonderful to know that you asked Louise about this.
I always wear my long dress to go to work, Phil, together with my sneakers and socks, or sometimes I wear boots with socks too.
Btw, I don't think my socks are funny :DD once a workmate said that I never change my socks coz everyday I wear black socks :)) :)) even if I change it, no one will know that coz the color is the same :DD :DD

deleted user [Visitor]

06/23/06 @ 16:03

I won't fill your blog with comments about socks Nan. When I worked I also used to wear black socks every day but occasionally would wear ones with Micky Mouse on them or something equally similar. No one ever noticed, or if they did, ever said anything. Made me feel good though. Sometimes it is nice to be just a bit silly. Easy for men of course, they are born silly.

nan29nan29 [Member]
http://afemaleguest.blog.co.uk
06/23/06 @ 16:12

:)) :)) :)) thanks a lot for this laughter, Phil :)) :)) :)) I really need this laughter today I believe :DD :DD :DD
Btw, I only have the plain ones, no pictures of Micky Mouse or any other :DD :DD

kiki2ukiki2u [Member]
http://www.kikita.blog.co.uk
06/23/06 @ 17:34

Just to say a quick HI to you and wish a great weekend dear Nan, im rushing to work, today is friday i'll arrive late but will cmt. on yours last posts as i want to, are great :D yes?
Hugs2you and lots of POWER :D
kiki

nan29nan29 [Member]
http://afemaleguest.blog.co.uk
06/24/06 @ 18:14

Hi too, Kiki dear.
Hope you have wonderful weekend too there.
A big hug for you. Nana.

rtdeangrtdeang [Member]
06/24/06 @ 01:55

Hi Nan, I can understand your being comfortable with women than men. could this be due to the Islam faith you grew up in? matchup.

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