Lelaki Terindah is the title of a novel written by Andrei Aksana. For those who don’t really follow the development of novel publication in Indonesia and Indonesian authors—that mean they never hear this name yet—Andrei Aksana is the grandson of big poets Sanoesi Pane and Armijn Pane. These two names are commonly found in school books—from elementary, junior, and senior high schools—in Indonesia.
At first I read the review of this book in one national newspaper. The review easily attracted me. But, my bad thing is, I didn’t note the title and I forgot it easily. Therefore, when trying to find it in one bookstore, I didn’t find it.
Some months later, when I went to a bookstore with Julie, she appointed the novel to me, saying, “Look, isn’t the title provoking?” FYI, ‘indah’ means beautiful, how could a man become beautiful? After appointing the novel, Julie went to other shelves while I took the novel from the shelf. I was provoked. LOL. When looking at the drawing on the front cover, my up and down teeth directly clicked, “Wow …” I saw a part of sexy body of a man that I believe would make women’s mouth like Samantha Jones—one character in Sex and the City—water openly. LOL. (well … honestly, I am impressed by her open sexual drive, and wonder if I could become like her. LOL. This is one thing that my Abang doesn’t like AT ALL. LOL.
First, I read the poem on the back cover.

Suatu ketika dulu
Aku pernah dihanyut asmara

Tapi tak pernah ku tenggelam
Karena kekuatan cintamu
Menjadi perahu dan dayungku

Hanya engkaulah yang mampu
Melenyapkan ragu menjadi tahu
Memupuskan kelu menjadi deru

Hanya engkaulah yang bisa
Menggantikan tawar menjadi rasa
Menhadirkan tiada menjadi ada

Karena hanya engkaulah …

Lelaki Terindah di hidupku

One time in the past
I was carried away by love

But I was never sunk
The strength of your love
Was my boat and row
to go along the ocean of love

you are the only one who is able
to change doubt into understanding
to alternate pessimism into optimism

you are the only one who is capable
to convert tasteless into tasty
to present existence from nothing

because you are the only

the most gorgeous man in my life
(badly translated by Nana LOL)

What a very romantic and adoring poem, from someone to a man—the most beautiful (well, I’d prefer to translate it into ‘gorgeous’ a word that is more androgynous) one. In an instant I loved the poem. When I opened the beginning pages, I found another poem that is also very romantic and adoring.

Tak pernah cukup kata
Menjabarkan keindahanmu …

Tak pernah cukup batas
Memagari kehadiranmu …

Kau lebur mimpi menjadi bentuk
Kau pahat angan memiliki raga

Bagimu
Segalanya mungkin …

These two poems were enough to provoke me to buy the novel. LOL. I wanted to buy two novels instead of just one. One was for myself, and the other one was for the one that was automatically on my mind when reading those two adoring poems. However, when reading the beginning pages of chapter one, and I found that it was about homosexual love (and it made me glad because at last I found the novel I was looking for after reading the review in one national newspaper some months before), I cancelled to buy two. I didn’t want to give the novel to the one who was on my mind automatically when reading the title of the book. I didn’t want him to think that I encouraged him to be a homosexual. LOL. Because I am a straight person, I want him to be one too so we would always be attracted to each other. LOL. As someone claiming as following the postmodern phenomenon, I don’t consider homosexual as abnormal or a social disease (you can read my post entitled “What is normal?” and “Sexuality” some months ago). However, since I am straight, I would be very broken hearted if the one that I dub as my Lelaki Terindah were homo. LOL. It makes sense, doesn’t it? LOL.
I bought the novel on March 17, 2005. I have used the novel as one subject for discussion in my literature class several times, especially when I discussed how society influences writers to produce their works. It illustrates how sociological approach is used to dissect one literary work. There is always close relationship between society and literature. I am really a strong follower of Daniel Goldmann’s theory on Genetic Structuralism: there is always close relationship between the work and the writer, and between the work and the society where and when the writer lives and produces his/her work.
Going back to Andrei Aksana as the author of Lelaki Terindah. I love the beautiful poems he writes and inserts inside his novels. However, I am not provoked to buy his other novels because to me they are about common themes, although I believe they are beautifully written. And, suddenly I want to write something on Lelaki Terindah because my sister borrowed this novel some days ago.
PT56 08.48 281006

Look what love has done

That is the title of Patty Smith’s song that I am listening to while typing an email for my only Abang. And it suddenly made me want to write something.
What love has done to me? To you? To all of us?
When being in love—and the one I love returns my feeling—I mostly suddenly feel like I am the most beautiful woman in this world. I love to see my own bright eyes in the mirror, illustrating how happy I am. It means that falling in love has made me feel happy, has brightened my eyes, and of course brightened my days too. His appreciation on the pictures I have sent him has made me love to act as a photo model. LOL. (Hmm … this is especially for my first online boyfriend. &#61514
Falling in love also has made me a poet, writing love poems for my loved one. (FYI, I am not really a poet because I need to fall in love first to write poems. LOL.)
Falling in love has made me a prolific writer (e.g. writing him lots of emails). It even has made me a blogger!!!
Being in love, however, also easily makes me feel lonely when my loved one is suddenly nowhere to be found. His existence (NOTE: ‘HIS’ here shows that I am a heterosexual although some good friends have dubbed me as a radical feminist) in my heart and mind doesn’t always succeed to accompany me because I need the real him.
Being in love easily makes me feel gloomy too when he is very busy and forgets to give me attention. I am different from one cyber friend I have—mbak Omie—who always speaks up her mind. When she misses her loved one because he is nowhere to be found, she will call him, “Hey darling, I miss you. Come here please! I need you to spoil me. After that, you can go again everywhere you want.”
Why can’t I just do this seemingly ‘simple’ thing? I am not always spontaneous person, am I? (FYI, my Abang said that I am a spontaneous person!!!! Ah yeah … yeah … only once in a while, not all the time. LOL.) There are two reasons I suppose. First, I am not always confident to be spontaneous. Second, (this is one thing I often suspect myself), I am included into a sado-masochist type. I sometimes love to torture myself, then enjoy the pain, enjoy the tears I shed from my eyes (that no longer bright, of course, due to the tears falling down.)
Falling in love has always made me learn new things in this life. Hopefully, I will not repeat the same mistakes I have ever made before.
In short, love has made me both happy and unhappy. But isn’t it natural? Life is not only about happiness. Life is always full of ups and downs, that even makes us not easily bored to live this life. Laughter and cry come now and again alternately.
What love has done to you?
PT56 07.21 281006

Note: Abang means big brother

I was at my workplace this morning. I had two sessions to teach, 08.00-10.00 and then 10.00-12.00, the same class, Conversation Class level 2.
During the two sessions, we have a ten-minute break. During the break, I usually go back to the teachers' room and have a chat with my workmates, or read newspaper, or read a book.
After the break was over, I went upstairs again, coz the classroom where I had my CV 2 class was located on the second floor. On the stairs, a student called my name, and hurriedly walked to me, "Ms. Nana ..." I stopped, waited for her to come to me.
She asked, "Do you remember one of my classmate named Ruminatih?"
I replied, "Yes. What about with her?" I remembered that name, but I a bit forgot which one.
She went on, "She got an accident yesterday Ma'am. She got injured in her left head and her back very seriously so that she was unconscious for six hours yesterday. This morning, she died."
I responded, "Oh... I am really sorry to hear that."
I forced myself to remember which one Ruminatih was. At last I remembered, the first time she mentioned her name, I teased her by saying, "Can I call you Rumi?"
She complained, and said, "Call me Ratih Ma'am."
I said, "But Rumi was a great writer. Don't you ever hear name Jalalludddin Rumi?"
"No Ma'am, please call me Ratih, not Rumi. I hate that name you know."
I remember it happened around 2 years ago, in one class, Intermediate 1. The class was full of students from SMA N 3 and SMA N 5 Semarang; a very lively class, very enthusiastic students, love all of them.
Ruminatih, or Ratih, already had quite good English, I liked her accent when speaking, not really like other Javanese students I had. I liked her spoilt behavior coz she was the youngest in the class at that time. It was okay for me to have spoilt student like her coz she studied seriously.
Hmmm ... I am really sorry to know that such a lively, lovely, smart student only had a very short period to live in this world, although I believe she was already happy there, in that other world.
My condolences to the family.
JDC 15.50 211006

You have always done so much for me
I miss your love and tender embrace
The love you express is genuine
Memories of you, I cannot erase.

I miss your eyes of unspoken love
They sparkle as diamonds in the sun
Your smiles will never be forgotten
I think of you 'til the day is done.

Your gentle touch is greatly missed
The words of love you've always spoken
Will be held forever in my heart
The bond we have cannot be broken.

I will always love only you dear
I'll be waiting 'til you again return
Time is passing very slow each day
There's so much I still must learn.

The friendship you and I still share
Quickly blossomed into true love
Our hearts blend when we're together
Our love is given from God above.

You're Special and I miss you!

JDC 15.15 211006

"If God is the DJ, then Life is the dance floor; Love is the rhythm, and You are the music."

"Love is not about finding the right person, but creating a right relationship. It's not about how much love you have in the beginning but how much love you build till the end."

"Love is a noble act of self-giving, offering trust, faith, and loyalty. The more you love, the more you lose a part of yourself, yet you don't become less of who you are; you end up being complete with your loved ones."

"Life is a song - sing it. Life is a game - play it. Life is a challenge - meet it. Life is a dream - realize it. Life is a sacrifice - offer it. Life is love - enjoy it."

"It's not the presence of someone that gives life a beautiful meaning, it's the way that someone touches your heart that gives life a beautiful meaning."

P.S.: Which is your favorite? Or tell me other love quotes you love.

I have been bothered with these two things--ethnicity and religiosity--recently due to an "accident" I had to undergo. I am somewhat bored to try writing about these, actually, since I suppose I have written some articles on these in my blogs.
Some days ago I got a reply from a good friend of mine that is still trying to know internet in order that she is not labeled as "internet illiterate"; her reply commented on my email to her about these two things; and for your information, her reply shocked me a bit. Instead of feeling attentive to my problem, she even justified what my superior has done to me--discrimination based on ethnicity and religiosity. "Those people have been discriminated during their whole life. And in some extent, that's the way they try to survive among their own "community". Do you agree if I say that it is the same as TAKING REVENGE? And taking revenge will never ever overcome problems. It will even create more grudge, annoyance, and sort of things. Consequently, it will create a social disease that is like a cycle, that will never stop.
When will the life really bring peace to everybody?
Should I say that one natural law is that discrimination--be it due to ethnicity, and religiosity, or in any other form such as gender--will always exist? Is it natural law that people will always have grudge to other people? Is it natural law that people love fighting, trying to conquer others to show their superiority?
SIGH ...
JDC 10.10 181006

NORTH COUNTRY is a movie based on a true story. The movie is starred by Charlize Theron—cast as Josey Aimes—and Frances McDormand—cast as Glory, Josey’s friend.
The movie illustrates the sexual harassment done to women miners working for Pearson Taconite and Steel, Inc. And it reminds me of my own post here some days ago about a male friend of mine working for a mining company located in North Sulawesi; he complained when one day a female miner was hired and she was under his supervision. The complaint was that he didn’t have a heart to give her work to explore an area that he considered difficult for a woman.
A bit different from that experience of my friend, NORTH COUNTRY focuses more on the sexual harassment experienced by women working in the mining company. (It made me wonder, though, whether in the mining company where my friend works male employees also do sexual harassment to women? &#61516
There are two main things that attracted my attention when watching this movie: the struggle of Josey Aimes to get justice for women miners, and her personal life as a single mother who tried hard to make her two children happy.
The movie stated that a mining company started to hire women in 1975 in North Minnesota. However, in 1989, the comparison between male and female working in there still showed a big gap: 30:1. As in many other countries in the world, American people classify jobs into men’s jobs and women’s jobs. And working in a mining company is classified into men’s job. When someone—a man or a woman—has a job that is traditionally held by the opposite sex, he or she will get a big protest from society.
Josey Aimes didn’t get permission from her father to work for Pearson Taconite and Steel, Inc. where her father also worked.
Apparently, her father—Hank Aimes--didn’t like it coz he considered the job as men’s job. The bad relationship between the father and the daughter made it worse. My interpretations for these are
 The father—as a man—felt threatened to lose his job if women started to do this job traditionally held by men. When more and more women are hired to work in a mining company, men will feel threatened that it will be more difficult for them to get a job coz they get more competitors. As the main breadwinner—in a patriarchal society men always want to show their superiority to women by being the solely breadwinner in a family—men feel that their superiority is at stake.
 The father that felt ashamed coz Josey got pregnant when she was still in high school—without telling who the man was—felt more ashamed coz his daughter decided to do a job traditionally held by men. He had to face society that would accuse him failing to raise a daughter. He wanted to bury Josey’s bad past experience by seeing her as a “good” woman, by being a good wife (unfortunately Josey’s husband often beat her cruelly so that she left him) or by having a “woman’s job”. Society in Minnesota was illustrated as old-fashioned in 1989, such as accusing Josey as a bad woman coz she got pregnant outside the wedlock in a relatively young age, and when she left her husband although she did that due to his cruel treatment.
I really appreciate Josey’s guts to quit from her job—although she needed much money to raise her two children—coz of the sexual harassment she continuously got from her male workmates after she found out that the boss of the company didn’t help her overcome the problem. She reported the company to the court although (at the beginning) none of her workmates supported her coz they were worried to lose their job that meant they would lose their income. The result of the case in the court was very relieving coz Josey won it after Glory and some other female workmates eventually supported her. This winning was very good coz then the mining companies made strong regulation on sexual harassment.
Another thing that impressed me from this movie is Josey’s responsibility to raise her first son although she got pregnant due to a rape done by her high school teacher. She toughly hid this secret although she was accused as having sex with many partners so that she didn’t know which of them was the father of her son. (She even didn’t tell the truth to her parents about it.) It made me wonder if Josey got this idea from Scarlet Letter, a novel written by Nathaniel Hawthorne, where Hester Prynne hid her lover’s name coz he was an outstanding priest: Josey had to keep her high school teacher’s good name?
Every time Josey looked at Sammy—her first son—she would always remember that miserable experience—to be raped by her high school teacher. But still, she kept the pregnancy until her baby was born. She kept loving Sammy although he showed hostility toward her coz he believed what society said that his mother is a bitch.
If only Josey had told her parents since the very beginning why she got pregnant when she was still in high school, she would have had a better relationship with her father, I am wondering. She would have had a lighter burden.
If only Josey had told Sammy since the very beginning that she kept her pregnancy coz she loved her baby, she wouldn’t have undergone the hostility shown by her son.
Anyway, the movie had a happy ending. It reminded me of one lecturer when I was still in college. He said that American movies tend to have a happy ending instead of unhappy ending coz people need to be entertained. :-D
PT56 05.22 141006

Some days ago I read in a national newspaper about police women who cannot reach a high position in their job only because they were born as female. Their female bodies are considered as the main weakness for them to do any assignment as police women. Many policemen don’t like to get policewomen as their partners to do one duty, let’s say, coz they say that their burden even will be doubled coz they don’t only think about their own safety, they have to protect their female partner as well. Some of them also complain that sometimes they will have to face the policewomen’s husbands’ jelousy when they have to do a task together. Policewomen, then, will only get desk jobs that often will make their career stop.
According to the article in that newspaper, more than 50% policewomen complain about that. They are in fact ready to do any assignment given to them—not only desk jobs. As policewomen, they used to get training some martial arts too to protect themselves so why their male partners complain about having to protect them?
It reminded me of a male friend of mine who works for a mining company in North Sulawesi, one big island in Indonesia. Some months ago he told me about a new female employee as his subworker. He complained coz he couldn’t give her any job coz she was a female. “I don’t have a heart to send her to a mining site in a forest, let’s say, coz it is a hard job for a woman. It is not an easy area to explore. I don’t have a heart either to send her to a mining site in another site where the weather is hot coz it will ruin her complexion. She will become dark due to that.”
Simply I responded, “Do you think she doesn’t know her risk to choose that kind of job? She must be ready to face any risk she gets in her job coz it is her own choice. Why don’t you just stop bothering yourself and just give her any duty she has to do; any duty you would give to a male subworker? Treat them equal.”
“It is easy for you to say that coz you are a feminist. You always want to be treated equally. I am not sure with her though,” he still complained.
“If she refuses, send her home. She is not ready to work for a mining company then. Tell her that she has made a wrong choice.”
Oh well, I forget to ask him whether my friend eventually gives the new female employee any duty, and whether she still goes on working there.
PT56 21.57 081006

This is the story of a friend of mine with her student that has Arabian blood in his body.
The student has two siblings. Her parents sent all the three children to Islamic schools with the reason that they will get good teachings about religion that will make them become good people (religious people = good peaple  the parents’ opinion). Besides they will also in a good community; they will only get along with good people coz the schools—elementary school, junior high school, and senior high school—are full of “only” religious people. (Again: religious people = good people according to the parents.)
The students who still goes to junior high school doesn’t criticize the way the parents think coz he completely agree with them.
However, then, my friend—the class teacher of that particular student—encouraged him to continue his study to a state senior high school. (FYI, in my hometown, no Islamic senior high school has a good reputation as a favorite school yet so far. There are some Catholic senior high schools are considered to have good reputation though.) There are two main reasons why my friend encouraged her student to continue the study to a state senior high school. First, prestige. If this quite smart student is accepted at one favorite state senior high school, he will be proud of himself. Second, to broaden his horizon. Outside his family and his community in Islamic junior high school, he will find many other people with different religions who are good people too. Differences are beautiful.
I remember my own indoctrination I got when I was a little—especially when I was in elementary school. Only Muslim people are the chosen ones so that they all will go to heaven no matter what they do in this world coz they already have the key to open the heaven’s door: being a Muslim. Other people with different religions are not lucky coz no matter how good they are in this world they will go to hell later coz they don’t have they key to go to heaven; coz they are not Muslim.
The conviction to be the chosen people makes Muslim people—especially the ones who got the indoctrination just like me and also that particular student of my friend—will apparently make them religious snobs.
When taking my master’s degree at American Studies, I learned about the American who felt as the chosen people so that they believed that they were created in this world to conquer the world. It made me surprised: how could those American people—especially when I read the writings by the early American writers such as John Smith—feel as the chosen people? Besides I also found out that many other ethnic groups also felt as the chosen people. When I laughed at those people who felt as the chosen, consequently those people also could laugh at Muslim who felt the same thing.
Isn’t it more beautiful if no one feels as the chosen so that no one needs to be religious snobs? Isn’t this world more peaceful when no ethnic group feels better than the rest? Isn’t this world better when people think of how to do good to others, without having any idea to harm other people, away of being a certain ethnic group, or adhering a certain religion?
Going to some religion schools—Islamic or Catholic or Christian schools or any other religions. I remember another friend of mine who got offer to send her daughter to a Christian kindergarten to make her as a “good Christian”. My friend wisely said, “I don’t want my daughter to be a good Christian if that means she will be mean to people from other religions. I don’t want her to be a religious snob. I am of opinion that such schools even create gap among people with different religions. I want my daughter to go to a state school where she will get along with people from various religions so that she will learn to appreciate different religions since she is very young.”
Very wise and contemplative, isn’t it?
PT56 21.17 081006

I am wondering if those founders of many kinds religions in this world have ever thought that what they meant to create a better world would even become the cause of violence ...
Many people kill each other only coz of different religions.
Many people have lost their jobs only coz they adhere different religion from the employers.
Many people easily suspect other people adhering different religion from them as bad people only coz "He/she has a different religion from me, so he/she must be a bad person."
Many people avoid getting in touch with people having different religion from them only coz they are worried to be put into hell--one thing that is probably only a myth--since their religious teachers indoctrinate them that people having different religions are the same as devils.
Many people close their eyes about the quality of other people adhering different religions.
Why must there be many religious snobs around me? Muslims ... and Christians especially ... people with whom I get in touch with.
It makes me sick. :-((
FBS UA 11.00 061006